The Road Not Taken
by AuburnFan01
Summary: After a month of dating and no move, April was sure what she had with Robert Stark was friendship. When she goes over to his apartment to watch a movie after a cancelled dinner date, April learns that maybe he does like her. and there is a potential for more. April/Stark.
1. From Here to Eternity

**Summary: **Friends, they were _friends_. After a month of dating and no move, April was _sure _all their companionship meant was friendship. She'd expected it, really, because no man would wait a month to make a move if he really liked her. Which, April supposed, was all her fault because that was the case after twenty eight years of nothing. But when she goes over to Robert Stark's apartment to watch a movie after a cancelled dinner date, April learns that maybe it wasn't all her fault, and maybe he really does like her.

Essentially, what might have happened if April hadn't let Alex, Cristina, and Meredith's comments get to her in 7x17 "This Is How We Do It." Or, better yet, she had never heard their comments and went into the situation completely unprepared for what to expect. AU after 7x17. Not creepy or portraying Stark as a predator at all (seriously).

**Rating: **T for now. Will go up to M eventually.

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note: **This is/will be a multi-chaptered fic.

Let me know what you think in a review? Please?

* * *

Dinner at his place? April could do that. Watching a romantic movie? Fine, no problem. Arriving at his door and stopping her stomach from twisting in knots? Maybe she couldn't stop that.

Frazzled, nervous hands flattened out her floral blouse, a paisley pink, sleeveless summer top with a ribbon to tie around the front. April hoped she was dressed appropriately for a date that she subconsciously recognized was more intimate than the others, which had taken place at restaurants after work.

April hadn't thought anything of it when Robert Stark suggested they change the restaurant date to dinner and a movie at his house, so she wasn't sure why she was nervous. They were friends, after all, two people who enjoyed each other's company. April knew she had nothing to feel nervous about, especially since he hadn't made a move for an entire month.

April didn't have anything to fear, so she smiled, folded her hands before her, and carefully knocked on the door. She realized fleetingly that it was a good thing they had changed their date to a dinner and movie at his place, because work lasted until 8:30 that evening.

Though April didn't want to feel nervous, she couldn't help the clench of her stomach when the door opened.

Robert met her with an uncharacteristically sweet smile, and all of her fears washed away.

"Hey," she chirped with a smile, sliding past him into the apartment. "Made it!"

"You did," Robert agreed softly as he shut the door with a smile. "I almost thought you wouldn't make it, what with all those post-op reports you had to complete. Even with Karev's help, it took a while."

"Paperwork's part of the job." April didn't want to tell him that Alex hadn't really helped her out with the post-ops, realizing that may have ruined their evening and Alex's day at work tomorrow. She smiled and shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle."

"Good, good. Do-" Robert extended his hand, "-do you want me to take your coat?"

"Oh! Thanks." She smiled as he took the pea coat from her, hanging it up in the small closet beside the door. "You have a very..." April turned and took it in, slightly surprised but not overwhelmed. "Very nice apartment."

"Thank you. It's only temporary, but it's home."

"It's...nice."

"Well," he chuckled and crossed his arms, "tell me how you really feel then."

April pursed her lips as she did another take of the condo. "It doesn't look like a bachelor pad."

"I'm not in my twenties, April," Robert reminded her. "I don't need a bachelor pad anymore. I need an apartment I can live in, something some of your fellow residents may not agree with."

The jab made April wince, but she quickly scanned the apartment once more, actually glad to see something that didn't scream bachelor in his twenties.

While April guessed Robert would have cluttered his condo in black furniture with other dark colors, he completely surprised her, as he had done in recent weeks. Bright colors of different shades of red conveyed warmth she hadn't seen from him before their dates. It stimulated her senses, a warm tingling spreading over her skin. A brown sectional sat in the right wall, perfectly placed underneath a blinded window. A coffee table full with medical magazines and journals complimented the couch, and on the left wall poised a mounted flat screen television.

April nodded to the far left corner. "What's with the recliner?"

"I have company over," he answered simply with a shrug. "Sometimes. You'd be surprised to learn that a couch isn't big enough for five people. It can get pretty tight."

April raised an eyebrow at him, smiling when he looked away from her, at the rest of the apartment, and nervously bounced on his heels. "Well, do I get a tour?"

"Oh!" Robert rubbed his hands together. "Well, this is the living room, obviously. And...And to your left is the kitchen. And to your right-"

"That room over there?"

"That's the bedroom."

April's jaw nearly dropped, her head snapping to the room that was darkened without a light, and sealed off to her with a shut door. Bedroom? _His _bedroom? How did she not see that coming? Did she not realize that his apartment, where he lived and slept, had a bedroom? And _why _was she so worried? She had nothing to worry about. They wouldn't venture into that forbidden land tonight, she was sure of it. Just dinner in the kitchen and a movie on the couch.

_Just dinner in the kitchen and a movie on the couch, _April repeated to herself, because it was all she could do to not let the bundle of nerves in her stomach explode and send her skin aflame.

April flashed him a fast, unsure smile. "It's nice."

Robert eyed her wearily. "Are...Are you okay, April?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just seem flustered, is all." Which wasn't totally unlike her, but she appeared more frazzled than normal, which bothered him slightly. "That, and you've said my apartment's nice almost four times. I think I got it."

She chuckled softly, almost a snort, her chin tucking against her chest. Smiling, April looked back up at him, and couldn't tell by his set face if he was serious or joking as she had originally guessed. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," he returned with a slight nod. "Dinner'll be done soon and we can eat, so..." He waved an open hand in the direction of the kitchen, smirking when she took the hint and turned to walk into the kitchen that was small, but just enough for him. Her slow, almost nervous pace signaled to him that something was off tonight, that this wasn't the same woman he had gone to dinner with on multiple occasions.

Robert almost thought she was preparing herself to run, run at the first sign of trouble, and for that he fought back a frown. Not quite sure if he wanted an honest answer, he asked with concern, "Are you sure you're all right, April?"

"Fine."

He nodded slowly, knowing now was not the time to push, not when she looked like she was ready to leave, almost anxious to get this over with. At this point, Robert wanted to call the entire thing off, but didn't want to not spend time with her, not when she looked this gorgeous and reminded him how nice his life had become once she had entered it on a personal level.

Robert was thankful years as a pediatric surgeon taught him patience. He realized he'd need everything he had when it came to April Kepner, and strangely, slow was not a pace he minded when it came to this woman.

* * *

Dinner lightened the mood, and went better than April had initially expected. They discussed work little, their conversation only on personal things they enjoyed besides the complex procedures and techniques involved in saving human lives. April enjoyed the conversation. It was filled with intelligence and passion and kind words of encouragement she hadn't yet experienced with her fellow colleagues, who didn't quite share her appreciation for classic movies or literature.

And though Robert Stark enjoyed the fine delicacies restaurants provided, April discovered he wasn't a terrible cook, either.

But then again, April didn't think fettucini alfredo was that hard to master.

She realized, as they settled down onto the couch with some reasonable distance between them, that she really didn't care if he could cook. April didn't care about anything except that she was comfortable around him, enjoyed his company, and couldn't wait for the moments when they could passionately discuss something else that they shared in common.

April smiled sweetly at him when he jostled the remote, his brow creased with irritation. "You know," she reminded him with a smirk, "if you shake it, that doesn't mean it'll work."

"Oh, it'll work." He smiled when, after a forceful smack on the plastic, he hit one of the buttons to reveal a blinding, blue television screen that took only another click of a button to reveal the opening credits to _From Here to Eternity, _a movie April hadn't seen in a long time and was dying to enjoy with someone who shared her passion. "See?"

"I do," she answered with a smile. "It's not brain surgery, after all."

Robert snorted, and she could faintly see a smile creep on his face. "I could do that, too, if I wanted. I actually dabbled in neurology before choosing pediatrics."

"Why'd you pick pediatrics?"

Robert shrugged, and smiled at her when she tucked her feet beneath her legs, swinging slightly to face him so that she could both watch the television and him. "Believe it or not, I like kids. And brains...They can get really messy and complicated, and kids...Kids spice things up."

"Brain surgery isn't boring, you know."

Robert snorted again. "Have you ever held a scalpel in one place for eight hours? That's hard work."

"I haven't done that in a long time, actually. A few months."

"Over ten years for me," he responded with a shake of his head and a smile. "I don't miss those days, that's for-" He stopped suddenly and frowned as soon as a commercial came on the screen for laundry detergent. "Didn't the movie _just_ come on?"

April smiled. "You don't watch much television, do you?"

He frowned, throwing the remote on the coffee table, disinterested. "Clearly."

"That's okay, I don't watch much television, either," April returned, glad she didn't have to hunt for something to talk about, glad that he watched her with genuine interest in his eyes as he hung on every word. That was nice, she noted to herself, to have someone notice. To have someone care definitely had overwhelming powers, she realized, when just the soft smile on his lips forced her to blush and coyly glance down at her joined, twisted hands. "It's...It's hard when you work eighty hours a week."

"A lot of things are hard in this job, April," Robert told her sadly, "but I'd hardly call missing crappy reality television one of them. That's all that's on nowadays, anyway."

Her eyebrow arched curiously. "I thought you didn't watch any television?"

Robert shrugged and smiled softly. "Sometimes I have to flip to get the news channel I want to watch. Every once and a while I'll catch those reality shows. Who's that little thing that's orange?"

"No clue," April answered with a laugh. "This is the most television I've watched in the past week."

"Well then I should shut up and actually let you watch the movie, huh?" He chuckled, more a breath of air than noise, and looked up to see that the commercials still irritatedly droned on. Scratching his temple thoughtfully, Robert commented, "I suppose I should have just bought the DVD. We'd have seen more than five minutes of the film already."

"We have time," April assured him kindly. "The movie will be on for three hours."

An hour and a half into the black and white movie that won more awards than April could count, she looked over to see Robert had nestled himself against the couch, one arm dangled lazily over the side, the other cradling his neck as if it hurt, occasionally running his fingers through greying strands. He watched the screen with interest, smiling every so often at a line he liked, and April could vaguely feel herself smiling back because she just couldn't help it.

"How many times have you seen this movie?" April asked softly.

Robert hummed quietly, glancing at her as the haze of enjoyment was overrun by alarm. "What'd you say?"

"This movie," she repeated, pointing at the screen, "how many times have you seen it?"

A scowl ghosted over his face as he quickly sat up, leaning so close to her that their shoulders touched, a few inches between their faces. She would have pulled back, too, if the smell of his cologne and aftershave didn't intoxicate her to remain in her spot. "What'd you say, April?"

His warm breath chilled her neck, and she turned her head slightly to face him. "The movie," she repeated once more, her voice no higher than a whisper, "how many times have you seen it?"

"Oh." Robert shrugged slightly and smiled. "A few times. It was a movie that me and my..."

"You and your what?"

Robert frowned slightly and quickly shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

"No," April persisted, her head turning slightly, so close to his that their cheeks brushed. "Really. It's a movie that you and your what?"

His lips pursed momentarily before he dryly answered, "A movie my ex wife and I watched a lot."

She smiled when he couldn't look at her, instead his gaze fixated on the wall. "Oh?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a clear of his throat. "Like I said, don't worry about it." He glanced up at her bemused smirk and shrugged. "It's not...That was a long time ago."

"I see."

April knew his close proximity should have bothered her, coupled the feel of his breath against her skin that twisted her stomach in tight, uncertain knots. She should at least have bolted, told him she was uncomfortable he was so close that, in a few more inches, her mouth would brush against his. But she couldn't be bothered with that, either. Not when the gleam in his eyes lit her skin on fire because for once it felt really, _really _good to have someone want her instead of pining from afar with no return.

The hairs on the back of April's neck rose when Robert moved slightly, his lips so close to hers that she was certain paper couldn't fit between them. Green, curious eyes met hers, glancing at her quickly for approval, and when he saw only her brown, open eyes, he smiled so sweetly April wasn't sure the flutters in her stomach would ever really stop.

April had never realized that it would feel _this _good to genuinely have someone want her.

April didn't know where it came from. She wasn't even sure she had feelings for him. Certainly, she couldn't. She couldn't! He was so much older than her, so far in his career that he was her mentor instead of a colleague. And he was so much older than her, a fact she couldn't forget, the grey in his hair and the beginning lines on his face evidence of that. Besides, he was her boss - or one of them, anyway. April saw no reason why she should even consider this an option. No reason why April should have responded when his lips tentatively met hers, as if he was as afraid as her to make a move - even though April was positive he had more experience in physical matters than she.

April figured a barely pubescent teenager had more experience in physical intimacies than she did.

The brush of his lips against hers was soft, so gentle that April wasn't entirely sure he kissed her until he did it again, still tentative but with enough yearning for April to know he wanted her to kiss him back.

Though April had never really seen him as more than a friend, a man she could be herself with and share all her eccentricities and likes, she couldn't resist kissing him back. Not when his kiss twisted her stomach in knots so wonderfully tight April couldn't breathe, and especially not when the graze of his fingers against her cheek scorched her skin in a radiant heat.

April met him move for move as Robert kept the kiss exquisitely slow and gentle. April had kissed men - well, boys, _really_ - who had immediately shoved their tongues into her mouth, and then hadn't even the courtesy to allow her to breathe. Those interactions had ended quickly with her shoving them off and wiping slobber away with such disdain she hadn't allowed the boys near her after that.

Once, April remembered as kissed Robert earnestly back, only a little anxious when he cupped her cheek, she had kissed a boy on the porch of her farmhouse and her father had interrupted them with a shotgun leaning against the door. Caught off guard, they had jumped back ten feet, frazzled, embarrassed, and afraid of the booming presence, her father, a man who had worked in the fields all his life, had over them.

_"Time to say good night, Johnny," _her father had grumbled, his voice laced more in disappointment than anger.

The boy had darted instantly, and never returned.

Her mother had told her later, in their living room while she helped April braid her hair, that if she was going to kiss a boy, it certainly didn't have to be in the dark. And next time she should be smart enough to make sure they kissed in a spot her father wouldn't ever see. April's tears had subsided at that remark to a soft chuckle, and she and her mother shared a tender, bonding moment April had never forgotten.

The memory made April giggle, and she shrugged Robert's hand away before blushing.

Robert frowned slightly. "April, wh-"

April turned back to him and silenced him with a swift kiss, not wanting him to use this moment of distance to collect his bearings and realize he wanted nothing to do with an inexperienced woman like herself. Seconds later, they kissed like the memory had never separated them.

Within minutes, it wasn't another memory that separated them, but another giggle April couldn't suppress, because even she couldn't fight the nerves she felt when Robert moved to gently push her back against the couch. A simple motion had frozen her body, sending her mind running in circles about everything that could have happened tonight, everything that might have happened if she let him complete the movement.

Images flashed, and her stomach twisted, and her brain just didn't stop. With each kiss that offered no inclination of more, just a solid contentment in the now, April found her inexperience and fears slowly become her worst enemy.

So, of course, instead of pushing him away and telling him she didn't want to move too fast, too soon, April laughed.

She laughed.

Just the thought made her cringe in embarrassment, and when Robert pulled away to cock his head at her, April covered her hand with her mouth because she knew she'd laugh again. "I'm sorry," she managed, biting back her smile. "I don't know why I did that."

Robert quickly ran his fingers through his hair and looked at her with eyes she had only seen during a particularly difficult case and he just couldn't see the solution. With a purse of his lips, Robert pulled back, situating himself back where they had started before the kiss.

April accepted the hand he offered and pulled herself up, too, straightening her shirt that had twisted, and fixing the bra strap that was about to fall past the barely there hem of her shoulder. With a hard swallow, April glanced at him with wide, imploring, and somewhat fearful eyes. "I'm sorry," she told him honestly. "I really don't know why I did that."

Robert exhaled and glanced down at his hands, not making any eye contact with her. "I don't like being laughed at."

"It wasn't you," April reassured him, even as she fought back another giggle. Gently, she nudged his elbow with her own. "Would you believe me if I told you it really was me?"

Robert laughed, short and disbelieving.

Finally, after silence that scared April, he looked over at her and smiled sweetly. "Why don't...Why don't we just watch the movie, hm? Looks like my favorite part is coming on soon."

April knew Robert meant business by the way eyes had darkened as soon as he finished his sentence, his face sternly set. She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as she looked down at her twisted hands. "Okay."

Did her inexperience ruin _everything_? With Robert turning back to focus on the television, April knew it had.


	2. Night at the Museum

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the kind reviews!

* * *

Though April perceived date one as a total failure, she held high hopes for date two, in which Robert had suggested they go to a new-age, trendy museum he had heard of from a flyer.

The day after their first date, April was leaving the hospital while he entered it for a late night shift. Their paths crossed by accident, because she was too busy answering a text from her sister to realize she had walked into him. The surprise in Robert's eyes hadn't startled her, but the smile that faintly spread on his lips did. He wasn't mad at her? Didn't hate her for basically ruining an otherwise wonderful evening?

Robert was cordial and pleasant, and underneath the dim outdoor hospital lights, April found herself accepting an invitation for round two. It was just too hard to resist the temptation of being the presence of someone who wanted to be around her, too.

Robert picked April up at Meredith's house, and even was a gentleman enough to hold the door open for her as she slid into the passenger side. She thanked him with a sweet smile, and within seconds they drove toward the storm clouds that loomed over the horizon.

"Supposed to storm."

And April thought they could go the night without talking about the weather, a fall back for any lack in conversation. Nerves paralyzed her. How was she supposed to jumpstart a conversation when he had to fall back on the cliche? April peered at the darkening clouds. "Sure looks like it. Shouldn't be too bad of a storm though, right?"

"I'm not sure. Why?" He quickly glanced at her. "You scared of storms, Kepner?"

"Only bad ones." April smirked. "And it's April, remember, Robert?"

His grin turned into a smile as he careened a tight left to pull onto the correct street, having almost missed it. "Okay, _April_, why are you afraid of the bad storms?"

"I can't just be afraid of bad storms?"

"You can. I was just wondering..." He waved a hand through the air and dared to meet her attentive brown eyes only. "I've never met anyone who's been scared of storms just for the hell of being scared of storms."

"I don't like tornadoes. It's...I lived through a bad one when I was seven, and I never really forgot it."

"That must have been scary."

April chuckled. "Well, I wouldn't be scared of storms otherwise, would I?"

"I suppose not." He paused before he pulled into a parking space. Frowning, he surveyed the near empty parking lot and remarked, almost to himself, "Well, I know I'm in the right place..."

"Maybe we just came at a good time." She'd say anything so he didn't end the date prematurely. There was no way she'd let him drop her back off minutes after picking her up. Alex would never let her live it down. "Come on. Let's go."

From the outside, the building looked tasteful and elegant, and April imagined it filled with paintings, photographs, or sculptures from talented hands. April had seen some museums in Ohio, mostly on class field trips, but she wasn't old enough then to understand and appreciate the art she viewed.

Now twenty-eight, April hoped her views of art had matured. The last thing she wanted was for Robert to think her immature – even though April was fifty percent positive he already thought that of her. Everyone else did.

The museum was not what either of them expected. While April had hoped for rich art that would test her intellectually, and Robert for something that would keep him interested, they faced something much different. April didn't exactly want to call herself a prude despite her sexual purity - because she didn't hate sex or think it repulsive, though she was slightly scared of it - but it was hard not to feel like a prude as she stared at pieces of art that reminded her of what she didn't have.

Paintings and pictures of sex and sexuality lined the walls, and April understood why the gallery wasn't as crowded as she expected. People didn't have to pay fifteen dollars for this when they could get it on their computer for free.

It wasn't even that tasteful in her opinion, either.

Somehow April separated from Robert, and they took different paths throughout the gallery. Though they were theoretically supposed to spend the together, April was thankful for the solitude. That way, he wouldn't see the embarrassment, shame, and jaw-dropping surprise on her face when she came across a photograph that nearly forced her to run from the museum and burn her corneas.

April found Robert only moments later. He was easy to pick out when a swarm of people didn't surround him. She tugged at his jacket sleeve with a forced smile. "Hey."

"Hey." He tilted his head at the sculpture in front of him, transfixed, and pointed at it. "What do you think that's supposed to be?"

_How the hell am I supposed to know? _Instead, she quickly glanced at it, shrugged, and replied as nonchalantly as she could, "Beats me."

Robert murmured and turned to stare at her. "I take it you're ready to go?"

"I was ready to go as soon as we stepped inside."

Robert smiled. "Oh, good. I don't feel so bad then."

"I'm sorry we wasted thirty dollars on this place. It's obviously a bust."

"Eh, I should have figured that when no one was here. I just…I thought it would be so much different. I'm sorry." He smiled weakly in an apology. "Well, I mean, we could back to my place and watch a movie or something. If you want."

April's breath caught as she remembered the last time they watched a movie at his place, how she had so horribly messed things up. She forced a smile. "Okay. Sounds like fun."

His head cocked at her curiously, and green eyes felt like lasers through her as he tried to discern the tone she gave him. The mixture of sincerity and discomfort startled and scared him. "We don't have to, if you don't want to."

"No, no. I want to."

"It's just…?"

April exhaled softly and shrugged. When his chin fell to his chest, she knew she had disappointed him. Robert looked back up at her, and his eyes had hollowed, the glint in them that she so often found herself adoring gone in an instant. She almost would have rather faced his anger, because the disappointment that he tried to hide brought April such an intense guilt. She touched his arm before he could walk away from her.

"I'm sorry, Robert."

"It's all right. I get it. You don't want to spend time with me, I get it."

"No, no! That's not—"

"I just…" he scratched his temple thoughtfully before he met her gaze, "I just don't get why we went through all of this if you didn't want to be here in the first place. I'm a big boy, April. I can handle you not wanting…" His eyes closed before he finished, his voice lowered in a feeling April didn't want to register as pain, "I can handle the truth."

"Robert, that's not it. It's—" She sighed when he shook his head. "It's not that, Robert, I promise."

"Then what is it?"

April swallowed hard before somehow she summoned courage to tell him only a partial truth. "I just don't want to mess things up like I did last time."

"Last—Oh, are you talking about our kiss?"

"When I laughed, yes. I know I messed that up, and I'm so, so sorry, and I don't know where that came from. I just…" April sighed and let her hands fall. "I just knew that I messed everything up and I just don't want to do that again because I'm not sure I can deal with the same humiliation twice. I mean, if you think about it, there's only so much a girl can take, and I am just about—"

"April." Robert put his hands on her shoulders when her rambling accelerated and didn't seem like it would end soon, "April, stop."

Her mouth snapped shut, and she met his eyes hesitantly.

"You didn't mess anything up," Robert reassured her. "And…And if you want, if it'll make you feel better, we can just watch the movie. I promise I won't try to kiss you, if that's what you want. It doesn't have to be complicated, and it doesn't have to be awkward."

April raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him. "Really?"

"Yes. Couples do it all the time, I hear."

Couples? Were they a couple now? April was only a little ashamed by the heat that flushed over her body at her thought. She was a little scared, too, at what it potentially meant.

Robert sensed the sudden change in her, the optimism that he took as surprise, concern, or disgust. As if he'd never made the comment that they were a couple, he continued, "There's really nothing to mess up if nothing happens, right?"

April smiled and faintly laughed. "Well…In that case, we can go back to your apartment."

"Okay. Now let's get out of here before that couple over there gives us a live demonstration of what's happening in these pictures."

Laughing, April followed him out of the less than tasteful museum, and gasped in surprise at the downpour that met them outside. It stormed with the thundering clouds and cracks of lightning barreling toward them from the horizon.

April laughed as they ran through the rain, but didn't realize how much rain hit her until they were back at Robert's apartment.

"You're soaked!"

Robert looked down at his clothes and shrugged. He smiled when April wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her arms as she tried to create friction. "You're no better."

"I'm fr-freezing. Do you have a towel I could use? And then maybe a blanket?"

Robert was unable to resist the sweet, innocent, imploring way she stared at him, the plea for warmth that he would be a cruel monster to refuse. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you walked in from the Arctic."

"Shut up."

"I'll be right back with that blanket and towel."

"T-Thank you."

After fifteen minutes, they both dried off and settled against his leather couch, and April was grateful for the throw blanket he offered her. She wrapped it around her body, snuggled against the cushions, and grinned when he chuckled at her. "Hey."

He shook his head, and grabbed for the remote. "You're something else."

"Is-Is that good?"

"Oh, yeah."

April blushed, and tucked her chin to her chest as she avoided his intense gaze. When he laughed again and turned on the television, she glanced up and smiled. The memory of their first date struck her when she watched him toggle with the remote buttons, calculated and full of intent as he turned the television on.

His fingers moved slowly, and the tips of his fingers ghosted over every button as he scanned them. Robert moved with a measured precision April had never seen before, and she wondered for a moment if he contemplated throwing the remote down and calling this whole thing off. That wouldn't surprise her. April wouldn't blame him for ending this date, either. She hadn't given him much to work off anyway.

When he settled over the ON button, but did not press it, April leaned forward on the couch. She wrapped herself tighter in the blanket. "Robert?"

Robert flipped the remote in his hand and met her gaze. "I am so rude, aren't I?"

"I don't think so." Though many of her colleagues would have argued differently. "What is it?"

"Do you want something to eat or drink? You must be starving after a long day. Thirsty maybe?"

"Oh. Sure." She held back her sigh of relief, mostly because she didn't want this date to end just yet, and partly because the blanket was so warm. The thought of shedding the layer was enough for her to tighten her hold and rub her arms.

"Well," he tossed the remote down on the coffee table, and turned back to her, "What do you want?"

"What do you have?"

He smiled, just a simple smile, but didn't answer at first. Delayed reaction, maybe? April wasn't sure, but was glad the silence settled over them. In the silence, April realized she liked it when he smiled. He didn't do it often, especially not at work, so to see it here, to see the warmth on his face shine only for her, because of her, was a nice feeling for April to experience.

April liked that he had the ability to make her feel like the only woman in the room, despite the fact that she was.

"Come on." He extended his hand as he stood. "Let's find out."

"You don't know?"

"You know, with the hours that we have…" Robert shrugged. "It's hard to not just lay down and sleep."

April smiled when he shrugged again, and she accepted his hand. Embarrassed by the swell and redness of her fingers from the change of cold rain to warm heat, April let go of his hand as soon as she was pulled to her fee. She wrapped it nervously in the blanket. He only stared at her before he turned and walked into the kitchen.

_Shit!_ Had she just made a horrible mistake?

Wincing at the thought, April followed Robert into the kitchen. She cursed herself for letting go of his hand too soon, for giving him the impression that she didn't want to be around him, or didn't even want to touch him.

April tried to stop berating herself and forget her insecurities when she joined him in front of the refrigerator. They stared into a barely stocked fridge. "Well," April rubbed her arms with the blanket, "your apartment might not look like a bachelor's, but you sure eat like one."

He didn't respond.

"What do you eat normally?"

"Cafeteria food."

April laughed. "I'm surprised you haven't starved yet, then."

"I have cereal," he shut the fridge and pointed to the pantry to their left. "And oatmeal and some things like that. I'm sorry I don't have more to offer in the way of food."

"That's all right, I wasn't very hungry anyway." As she rubbed her arms, April realized that besides her wet hair, she wasn't very cold anymore, either. She rubbed her arms once more, savored the warmth of the part of the towel that wasn't wet, and slid the blanket off her shoulders. "Where do you want me to throw this?"

"Oh, I'll take it." He did, and threw it over his shoulders. "Well, do you want something to drink?"

"What do you have?"

Robert opened the fridge again. "Milk. Orange juice. Water." He shut the door and pointed to the top. "And wine. You can have your pick. It isn't much, but I'm hoping you like at least one of those. If not...You're screwed."

April smiled. "Wine's fine, I guess." She didn't drink much, but the insecurities that washed over her prompted her to consider achieving a buzzed state. Maybe then she'd finally relax and not worry that every action ruined her chances.

Reaching past her, Robert grabbed the wine and brought it to the countertop. He poured them each a glass, and handed April hers. "If you want more, you're welcome to it. If not, well…You don't have to drink any of it."

His gaze was kind, but April felt awkward and uncomfortable. She was so afraid of what the softness in his eyes and smile on his face meant that she took a gulp of her wine. She hoped the liquor would help her plow through some of her nerves. His smile faded for only a moment, and she could have sworn he hummed. The obvious comment to her action didn't help her nerves. April managed another gulp.

Robert's eyebrow arched when she finished the entire glass moments later. "Do you want more?"

"No."

"Okay. Well, let me take that from you then." His hand cupped the top of the wine glass, but April refused to let go, her grip firm as she hugged the glass close to her body. He let it go instantly, bit back a frown, but did not move from his spot only inches away from her. "Maybe not."

April glanced up at him, shrugged an apology, and relaxed her grip on the glass, allowing him to take it and set it on the counter. A heavy exhale escaped her before Robert turned to face her again, and she instantly wanted that blanket back, to wrap herself up in the protective warmth.

"I'm sorry."

Robert's head turned when she whispered her apology, and he stepped toward her. "About what?"

"Making things awkward."

"You didn't until now."

"Of course I did." Great. She hadn't made things awkward, but then she'd opened her big mouth and here they were, standing in the middle of his kitchen, and April was certain he'd tell her it was all over. She could hear the words in her head, Robert telling her maybe they should just remain friends, and panic gave way to acceptance.

When April reopened her eyes, she met his. He didn't look frustrated, angry, or even sad. He simply stared at her with the same eyes he would at a x-ray scan, as if he couldn't find the solution to a problem he'd never caused.

"I'm sorry," she blurted again.

"Will you stop apologizing?"

Her face scrunched at his flippant response, and she was surprised to see regret flicker in his eyes.

"I was just…" He rubbed his temple. "I was just joking about the awkward thing, April. You didn't make it awkward. I was just trying to make you smile and I guess it didn't work out like I planned."

"I guess I didn't help you that much, either."

"Well…" He whistled and bounced on his feet. "I guess it's awkward now."

April shrugged, and her hair fell over her eyes. She carefully tucked the stray strand behind her ear, and smiled. "You know, it doesn't have to be." But it was, and she knew it, and he knew it, too, by the way he crossed his arms and murmured.

A drop of water dripped from her hair and ran down her neck. Reminded how cold she still was, April asked, "Can I have the blanket back?"

"You're cold?"

"Freezing still." April thanked him when he handed the throw blanket back, and she wrapped it around her upper body with a shiver. Once again enveloped in heat and shielded by the awkward silence, April felt protected and comfortable. She smiled, and thanked him again.

"I'm glad you like the blanket."

"It's soft." She rubbed her cheek against the fuzzy fabric. "Reminds me of a blanket I had when I was little. I carried it wherever I went."

Robert hummed in acknowledgment of her words as he placed the wine bottle back on top the fridge. When he fell back on his feet, his body so close to hers he could feel her warmth, it took everything he had not to wrap his arms around her, to hold her because she shivered but still so lovably warm.

His body broke past the mental barrier he'd tried to put up. A few seconds later, his lips met hers and he kissed her so softly her hitch of breath startled him. Did she not want him? Not want this? Robert remembered his promise, that he wouldn't make a move, but it was one of the hardest promises he'd ever had to make. She looked so beautiful standing there, as water still fell from the ends of her hair, and she shivered despite the blanket. He had longed to take her in his arms, to hold and kiss her, and now that he had one of the two achieved, Robert hoped it was only a short while before he'd have the other one, too.

Surprised by his kiss, but not displeased, April hoped this one would go better than the first. He didn't let her down. Robert pulled away only for a moment to inspect her reaction, but April bridged the distance immediately, her lips seeking his in a desire to make up for her previous mistake.

April swore her knees would buckle just by the electricity she felt in her entire body when he kissed her, so gentle and tentative that she worried he'd abruptly pull away. For a few moments, April thought he would pull away because his kisses grew longer as he seemed to want to moments to stretch forever.

But then he wrapped his arms around her, and his kisses turned passionate and earnest.

April was so grateful she hadn't messed it up so far. She didn't have much sexual experience, but her kissing skills at least held up, even as his experience continued to outweigh hers.

His fingers lit fire on her skin as they moved from her lower back to her shoulder blades. If the blanket hadn't warmed her up already, the way he pulled her body closer to him was enough to send thrilling chills down her spine. It was difficult to touch him, her arms pinned between her body, the blanket, and him, so April only resorted to kissing him back. She hoped it was enough to keep him interested, because the thought of more so soon scared her so much.

She wasn't perfect, but she didn't want this moment to end. Alarmed at how much she enjoyed this simple intimacy, April moaned in reluctance when her cell phone buzzed in her pocket, a text message. She considered for a moment to not answer it, especially when Robert tugged her tighter to him and deepened the kiss between them. The gentle probe of his tongue was pleasant, and it didn't repulse her as it had in the past with others.

She even obtained the bravery to reciprocate. At first, April worried she wasn't doing it right, but she must have because one of his hands cupped her cheek and the other nestled in her damp hair. April could have sworn the temperature shot up ten degrees, because the heat she felt couldn't possibly have come from them; the thought was unnerving, but so satisfying she ignored her cell as it rang in a call.

April started to understand the advantage of dating someone with more experience.

Still, he was so much older than she. How could this feel so right? Or so good? Or not scary at all? All of the above flooded her, and for the first time in her life, April was surprisingly okay with it. She'd expected this sort of intimacy and attraction with someone her own age, like Alex or even Jackson, but never Robert Stark. But here she stood in his kitchen, kissing him and feeling the intense heat of desire, and it was all okay.

Everything was perfect, because not only had April not messed anything up, but she knew she was doing a good job when Robert moaned softly, and pulled away only to allow them a breath.

"Wow…"

He chuckled and kissed her once. "You should check your phone."

She did, and nearly panicked at the text message that buzzed at her. _Lexie: 9-11, emergency_. April looked up at Robert, and hoped her eyes conveyed the appropriate apology. "I…I should take this."

Robert hummed. "Yeah."

"I should go."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

He smiled, and gently tucked a fallen piece of hair behind her ear. One hand cupped her cheek, and he kissed her. "I'll drive you home. We should definitely do this again sometime."

At this point, she couldn't think of anything better.


	3. Promise Me Please

_This_ was the 9-1-1 emergency April was called home for? Her mouth dropped, and she held her head, nearly ready to pull the auburn strands out. Where they serious? This was what she had left Robert's apartment for? An attempted intervention by her roommates, that barely counted because Alex looked half interested, Jackson looked concerned, Meredith confused, and Lexie like a deer in the headlights.

"Don't shoot the messenger," Lexie pleaded.

"Do you want to sit, April?"

"No, I don't want to sit! I don't—!" She rolled her eyes when, through the living room window, she watched as Robert drove away. "I _cannot _believe you guys!"

"We just want to talk to you, April," Jackson tried. "Can you just sit?"

"No! I will not! I cannot—" She glanced up at the ceiling, closed her eyes, and exhaled. "I cannot believe you would do this!"

No one moved as she stormed up the stairs, and slammed the door behind her.

"Who's going after her?"

Lexie shrugged, and waved her hand through the air. "This was your brilliant idea, Jackson, you go after her."

"I only did it out of—"

"Dude," Alex cut in, shaking his head, "just go up there!"

"Hey, you don't want them together as much as I do."

"Yeah, but because I want surgeries, not because she's dating someone as old as her father." Alex scoffed. "She's a grown woman, dude. If she wants to get with Stark, that's her damn business. Not ours."

"There's nothing wrong with dating an older man," Lexie commented, but instantly looked down at her shoes when Jackson squinted at her. "Never mind."

Meredith sighed and stood. "_I'll _go talk to her."

"You don't even like her, Mer," Alex argued as he stood. "I'll go."

"Wait a minute, I'm her best friend—"

Lexie watched them argue over who would confront April over her relationship with an older man, which she felt they had no right intervening. She wondered if they would realize it if she stood and walked up to April's room herself, but kept her place on the couch where Alex, too, once sat.

Lexie looked up when a bedroom door opened upstairs, and then slammed shut. She winced as she heard April storm down the stairs. They had overstepped their place, and for the first time, Lexie realized, April was going to make sure they never did it again.

April cleared her throat, and the arguing stopped. She crossed her arms, glanced at each of the people before her, and sighed. Moments of silence filled the room as they waited, and she blinked repeatedly before commenting firmly, "I don't bother you people about your lives, or your romance, or anything like that. I don't bother you. You don't get to bother me."

"April-"

"No, Jackson! I don't talk about how you and Lexie have sex _everywhere_ and it's rude and disrespectful and frankly, frankly a little disgusting. No one needs to see that, okay? I don't tell you how to live your lives, you don't tell me how to live my life. If I want to hang out with someone, then I'm going to."

"But he's so old."

"So?"

"He's an attending."

"So?"

"He's...a jackass."

"Alex is a jackass. We're all friendly with him," April countered, staring at Jackson in defiance when he shut his mouth and looked down, all of his arguments rendered void by her responses. "You just don't like him."

"You're the only one that does, April," Alex reminded her with a snort. "Maybe he'll be the one you finally take your pants off for."

April's mouth dropped, her throat constricted, and for a moment she forgot to breathe. The panic that overwhelmed her was nothing like the heat she'd experienced only twenty minutes before.

Pants off? _Hers_? Did that mean sex? Could she even have sex? Did she even want it? Did Robert? He didn't kiss her like he wanted to, or maybe he did. April didn't think she'd even know unless he'd made it obvious, and he had yet to, his kisses romantic and earnest but not enough to startle her. Especially not when she enjoyed them so much. Not when she felt the tingle still against her lips, the heat of a hand that had long since left her cheek, and for the first time hadn't been afraid.

"Shut up, Alex."

April hadn't heard Jackson's snarl. "A-Alex? What did you say?"

"That he's going to be the one who finally takes your pants off. It's about freaking time anyway."

April saw Lexie's face redden while Jackson glared again at Alex, who then responded with a shrug. "You-You really think so? That's his intent?"

"You don't? Jesus, Kepner, you really don't know much about relationships."

"Alex," Lexie cut in before Jackson could, "leave her alone, all right? She doesn't need to worry about - April, you don't need to worry about it. I'm sure he's kind and will respect your-"

"He's an asshole who doesn't respect anyone's decisions."

"But that doesn't make him a bad person, Alex."

"You've never worked with him."

"And you're just spoiled with Dr. Robbins."

April didn't hear the exchange between the once-lovers, as Alex's words played in her head over and over, a broken record that, with each turn, slashed lines across her her she couldn't shield herself from. It panicked her, worried her, and scared her almost as much as the gun Gary Clark held to her head had. Sex? Robert wanted to have sex with her? She couldn't believe that someone wanted that with her of all people. Though the thought thrilled her, it frightened her, too. How soon would he want that from her?

Would he push and then retract brutally as Alex had? Would he be the selfish, inconsiderate Alex supposed, or kind and respectful as Lexie had argued? April didn't know. She wasn't sure she even wanted to know.

Her heart fluttered, and the panic nearly paralyzed her in her spot. As the group chattered, back and forth about all of Robert's flaws, about all of the ways he was horrible, April couldn't tune them out. The words sunk beneath her skin, infected her blood, and nearly destroyed her heart as she began to fear she'd made a big mistake in this entire courtship.

Robert wasn't the monster they made him out to be, she'd learned that first hand. But words, April had learned, were the hardest barrier to break. The words of her fellow, more experienced colleagues haunted her until she couldn't bear the comments and the bitter remarks anymore. Before she realized she had moved, April dashed up the stairs and slammed the door shut behind her.

April leaned against the wood that offered little emotional support, only something to stop her body from sinking to the ground. She tried not to cry, because even behind closed doors she didn't want to give them the satisfaction of victory.

They had won, after all.

Their goal, to get her to break up with her boyfriend for reasons April couldn't understand, was working.

She now doubted everything, every touch, kiss, smile, look, or even the words that had left Robert's mouth. It had all felt so amazing only an hour ago. April had felt happy, content, wanted for the first time in such a long time that she hadn't been able to catch her breath.

Now she lost her breath for an entirely different reason, a horrible, new feeling that crippled her. Her head rested against the door behind her, and she attempted to suck in gasping breaths as tears overcame her. Hot, angry tears slid down her warm, red cheeks as she screwed her eyes shut and whimpered. Any attempt she made to calm herself failed.

She missed Reed in times like these, when no one downstairs really understood or supported her. Alex's comments hadn't surprised her; he hated Robert anyway. But Jackson and even Lexie...She'd never thought they'd turn their backs on her, corner her so cruelly like that, especially since they had no right telling her how to live her life when they screwed all over the house with no regard for roommates.

What she did or didn't do with Robert was her business, but they had all made it their business.

Reed would never have done that to her. If Reed were alive she would have sat with April as soon as she returned home from her date, and they would have gushed about the details. April would have swooned over the date properly, like she should have done, and Reed would have listened, offered words of support, and given encouraging tips.

She would have been there.

Reed wouldn't have been downstairs telling April she shouldn't be dating a man simply because of his age or because of one facet of his personality.

Missing her friend only amplified April's tears as she fought to catch her breath.

April had just about had enough when her phone vibrated in her hands. What she thought was a text from someone downstairs was actually a phone call.

From Robert.

Considering not to answer it, April opted to quickly wipe her tears, take in a deep breath, and answer as best she could, "Hey, there."

"I just wanted to..." A chuckle rang through her ears, and April laughed, too. The fresh smile on her lips made some of the tears sting less and less. "I just wanted to say that we should definitely do something like tonight again. Without the sex art, maybe. Or maybe not. We can do whatever. I just want to..."

"Want to what, Robert?" she asked seconds later, when he didn't finish and her fear began to grow stronger than the joy she felt just by the sound of his voice.

"I just want to spend time with you."

April's eyes closed, and she sniffled away new tears. How wrong she wanted to believe they were downstairs, but how right it started to feel. "What, um...What does that mean?"

"Wha-?" There was a pause on the other end before he answered, "I just want to be with you, that's all. Hang out. Spend time together...You know?"

"Can I ask you something, Robert?"

"Of course."

April couldn't stop the tears in her eyes from raising her voice an octave, breaking as she finally found the courage to ask, "Can we just take things slow?"

Silence on the other end told April she had lost him. They were right. He didn't want slow, she could tell now. He wanted fast, and hot, and heavy, and all of the things she wasn't prepared to give. Her own stupidity hurt her harder than his silence did. How could she not have seen? How could she have hoped so blindly that he was different, that his kisses meant more?

"April, are you still there?"

"Yeah," she choked out and screwed her eyes shut, shaking her head and she mentally chided herself. "Still here."

"My phone cut out. What did you ask?"

April took a heavy breath, and tried to stop her voice from shaking as she asked again, "C-Can we j-just take t-things slow?"

"We can take it as slow as you want."

His immediate response calmed her. "Thank you."

For a few seconds he didn't respond, but then she heard over the cackling of bad cell reception, "April? Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"You don't sound okay. I'll...I'll come over if you want."

She sniffled, and wiped away fresh tears. "I'm fine, Robert, really. You don't need to come over."

"Okay." In the moments that he didn't speak, April tucked the phone against her shoulder and took deep breaths to calm herself so that the next time she spoke, she didn't sound as bad as she felt. When she brought the phone back to her, he asked, "Will you call me if you need me?"

"Of course." She'd already considered that once, but he'd beat her to it. "Hey, Robert?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for tonight."

"I had fun, too."

She could see his smile in her head, and smiled, too.


	4. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**A/N: **For anyone still interested in the story, sorry for the super long time it took me to update. I will not leave this story unfinished, though. It has a long way until the end, but please know I am intent on finishing it, as I am with my other stories.

And can I just say that I LOVE Matt/April? Even more than Jackson/April, actually. Surely I'm not the only one.

* * *

April couldn't get the comments out of her head. It was bad enough she'd listened to Jackson and Alex in the first place, but now the words whispered in her head constantly, a little devil on her shoulder who she couldn't shake off. _Sex. More. Older. Boring. Horrible. He's going to be the one to take your pants off._ April could couldn't think, not sure anymore what were her thoughts and what were other people's thoughts.

She hadn't seen Robert for two days when she found him at the nurse's station in the pediatric ward. As soon as April opened the door, she considered a retreat. She didn't want to face him with all of these conflicting thoughts in her head.

Robert was hunched over a file, scribbling some notes down about a patient he'd just seen. Determination and frustration etched his face into a slight frown, his eyebrows furrowed as he furiously wrote notes on a case. April watched him work for a moment, observing the swift, skilled pen strokes as he slashed the page, flipped it, and slashed again. His eyes scanned the paper in seconds, and he was back to writing before he flipped the chart shut and handed it to a nurse. In a matter of seconds, the determination was gone, and Robert stood, softer and calmer. In the grateful smile he offered the nurse, April saw the man who'd driven her home their previous date, who had kissed her once in goodbye and offered to wait until he was sure she'd made it in safely to leave. When the nurse handed him another chart, he opened that and returned back to work, dedicated once again.

"Are you on my staff today, Dr. Kepner?"

April's mouth opened slightly in surprise. He hadn't looked up from his chart. She stood in the doorway, stunned and immobile. "I'm sorry?"

"Are you on my rotation today?" Robert asked again, glancing up. He waved his pen in the air. "Because if you are, don't just stand there. There's work that needs to be done."

April entered the ward to join Robert at the nurse's station. He continued to work on the chart, and when he finished, he handed it to the nurse behind the computer screen with a soft, slight smile. For a reason April didn't completely understand, she felt a sudden tense in her stomach that most closely resembled what she'd felt days before when he'd kissed her in his kitchen. Her mouth managed to make words when her brain couldn't, and she said, "I'll just go make my rounds, Dr. Stark."

"Good." Robert turned to face her, and before she could walk away from him, he grabbed her wrist and quietly asked, "Dr. Kepner, are you all right?"

"Fine. Why?" Could he read her that easily? Did Robert know that she was torn between attraction and reluctance? That she was torn between the frustration she'd experienced at the actions of her friends and the pleasure she'd experienced from his?

"I just…" His voice softened, no longer as gruff or professional as it was before. "I was just concerned about you the other day. You sounded, well, you didn't sound like yourself. On the phone."

April glanced around quickly, discovered the nurse at the station intent on listening in, and suggested, "Can we talk about this later?"

Robert glanced at the nurse who watched them both and forced a smile. "Of course. When you're done with your rounds, will you meet me in my office?"

"Of course."

"Good."

When she finished her rounds, April found any excuse she could not to venture to Robert's office. She assisted interns with their charts, helped other doctors with their rounds, and ventured to the vending machine only to return empty handed. Afraid he'd discover her fear and uproot its cause, April resisted knocking on the closed door for as long as she could. When she could do nothing else but stand there, looking like an idiot in front of nurses, April inhaled deeply and raised her hand to tap against the wood. _Please don't be in. Please don't be in. Please—_

"Come on in."

With a soft, frustrated whine, April opened the door, but did not move farther than the doorframe. Robert sat at his desk, which was covered in diagrams, charts, and medical journals. Hunched over, he tapped a pen against the side of the desk quickly, and after a few seconds of reading a journal, his fist closed around the pen. Worrying Robert was going to snap the pen in half, April asked, "You wanted to see me, Dr. Stark?"

He looked up at her and the crease of his brow immediately lifted. "Dr. Kepner. Come in. Take a seat."

April glanced at the couch against the wall next to her. Would she offend him if she opted not to sit? Was she obligated to sit? It felt strange to stand like this when he sat at his desk. "You wanted to see me?"

His eyebrow rose as he glanced at her. She hadn't moved from the doorframe, and the anxious, quick glances she took around the room surprised him. Had he done something wrong in the past two days? Did he scare her? Was he too forward when he'd admitted he'd had a good time? She stood in his office more nervous than she'd been on their first surgery together, and that was a level of nerves he'd never seen even in his med school days. "Do you want to sit?"

"Do I need to sit?"

"You might be more comfortable, being on your feet all day. Take a break while you can."

"Okay." When she did as he requested, her ankles crossed and her hands placed primly on her lap, April looked up at him and smiled weakly. His eyebrow arched, Robert didn't move from his spot, and neither did she. "What did you need to see me about?"

Robert stood to close his office door. "Are you sure you're doing all right, April?"

April. This was a personal call. With a difficult swallow, April glanced up at Robert. He stood beside her, watching her with a soft, encouraging gaze, and she forced an unsure smile. "I'm fine. Why?"

"Why?" He gave a gentle scoff. "You, uh, you haven't exactly been acting like yourself today."

"You've only seen me for a few minutes today."

Her sudden snap revealed more than she intended. Robert crossed his arms, and he met her gaze with pursed, doubting lips. "Okay, fine."

April's mouth opened for a moment as Robert walked back to his desk, but she shut it instantly. "Was…Was there something else that you wanted, Dr. Stark? I'm really busy today and—"

"Did I do something?"

"What?"

"Did I do something?" Turning to face her, his arms uncrossed and they fell to his sides. "Because if I did, if I said or did something that upset you, you need to tell me so I make sure not to do it again."

"It wasn't you."

"If it was—"

"It wasn't."

Robert accepted the answer with a sigh. Scratching his temple thoughtfully, he threw his hand in the air and shrugged, unsure what else he could do, if there was anything. He couldn't communicate with someone who refused to elaborate. "Okay, then what?"

"Can't I just have a bad day?"

"Well, yeah, but—"

"Let's just say that I'm having a bad day and that's that." She'd say anything to get out of his office sooner rather than later. The frustration and exhaustion in his eyes told April she did this all wrong, and she didn't want even more time to keep saying the wrong thing. She wanted out. April wanted to look at Robert and not remember her co-workers harsh, mocking words. When she closed her eyes, she remembered the gentle looks and sweet smiles. When she met Robert's gaze, negative words all rushed back, and not even the memory of intense kisses could push the doubtful thoughts away.

"Okay. I just…I was worried about you."

"Don't be."

With a deep exhale, Robert crossed his arms over his chest and rocked on his heels. Her standoffish, curt behavior started to frustrate him. But he wasn't sure how to approach her or this situation, worried that if he called her out on it, she'd back further into her corner. So Robert didn't push the subject. "Did you finish your rounds?"

"I did. All completed. You want a report?"

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

As she relayed the report of the patients she'd tended to earlier, April wondered if she'd caused more harm than good. In her attempt to avoid him, to save him from seeing her conflicting emotions, she'd made things worse. Two nights ago they'd taken two steps forward, only to take one step back today.

_Way to go, April. You've done it now. Now he'll want nothing to do with you. Is that even what you want? Did you sabotage your own relationship?_

"Everything seems to be in order," Robert commented when she'd finished. He turned to his desk, his back to her. "You're free to go, Kepner."

Kepner. Strictly professional. April bit back her sigh and rose to her feet, putting her hands in her lab coat pockets because she didn't know what else to do. "If you need anything else, Dr. Stark, let me know."

"I will. Would you mind shutting the door on your way out?"

"Sure." She did, and April was left with an unsettling twist of her stomach when she left without another word or look from Robert. He didn't watch her leave, and it bothered April more than she realized it would.

* * *

When April returned home later that night, she would give anything to curl up in bed with a good romance novel and relaxing music. She found Lexie sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Intent on skirting past her roommate without being noticed, April didn't remove her shoes as she walked on the hardwood floor to the stairs. Her attempt at invisibility failed.

"April, you have a second to talk?"

"Lex, I'm tired. I'm just going to go upstairs and sleep. It's been a long day."

"It'll only be a few minutes, I promise."

April sighed. "Lex-"

"Please, April? I...I owe you an apology for what happened a few nights ago. Please sit. Talk to me. I'll listen. I know the guys didn't listen to you, but I will." Lexie patted the empty couch cushion beside her. "Sit."

April was sick of other people telling her what to sit. Throwing her coat over the arm of the chair, she collapsed against the couch and waited for Lexie to say something. She hoped this discussion would end soon. When Lexie at first said nothing, and only fished for the kernels in her popcorn, April tapped her fingers against her stomach. "What's up, Lex? I have a lot of sleep to catch up on."

"I owe you an apology."

"All of you do."

"I am sorry, April."

April fiddled her thumbs. Her chin tucked to her chest, auburn strands of hair fell over her face. "I know you're sorry, Lex, it's just..." She sighed. "You guys really shouldn't have ganged up on me like that. I would never have done that to you."

"It wasn't my idea."

"But you went along with it," April argued, meeting Lexie's gaze. "You didn't stop the guys from messing with something that seriously doesn't involve them. I just...I thought we had this conversation months ago."

"We're just looking out for you. We don't want to see you hurt."

"Robert and I have had only a couple dates," April reasoned, shrugging at the look of surprise on Lexie's face from the use of Robert's first name, alarmed to discover he even had one. "We're dating. It's not like every time we go out I get a marriage proposal. We talk. We have a good time. I like him and he likes me. At least, I hope so. I think so. What's so bad about that? What's so bad about spending my time with someone I actually enjoy spending time? Someone who enjoys spending time with me? Where's the harm?"

"The guys-"

"I'm not hurting them. What I'm doing, with Robert, doesn't involve them."

"They're just worried he's using you. They know how men are. They know-"

"They don't know anything about any of this. They don't know our conversations or..." She remembered the way he kissed her and trailed off. That wasn't Lexie's memory to have, let alone Jackson or Alex's.

"They don't want Stark to use you."

April scoffed and shook her head. "You just don't get it."

"Help me understand it then." Lexie turned so she faced April, and she reached out a gentle, encouraging hand to touch April's knee. "Come on, April, talk to me. Help me see what it is that you see in him..." She laughed. "In the Grinch."

April offered a weak smile at the jab she herself had made a month before. "He looks at me the way no one has. He _wants _to spend time with me, Lex. He's one of the first and only men who has ever made me feel...wanted. Special. A woman. Do you know what that feels like? Of course you do. You've had men fawn after you your entire life. You've dated Mark Sloan and you're dating Jackson. You...I don't really know what that's like. I've never had that."

"Aren't you worried that maybe, I don't know, maybe you're just dating him because he likes you? Not because the feeling is mutual but because you like the feeling of being liked?"

"You need to give me more credit than that, Lex." April shook her head with a frustrated sigh. "He's really interesting once you get to know him."

"Yeah, but-"

"I like him, Lexie. I..." April laughed. "I _like _him. I enjoy spending time with him. I look forward to our dates, to see him during the day. I'm happy when I'm around him, Lex. For the first time in a long time I'm happy." She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut tight so she wouldn't cry. "I don't see why you guys had to get involved and convince me that there is something wrong with that."

"We weren't trying to hurt you, April," Lexie attempted to prove. Now April refused to look at her, refused to open her eyes, and Lexie wished this had never happened. "But that's what we did, huh? We hurt you."

"It wasn't just me that got hurt in this, too."

"Stark, too?"

"Him, too." April breathed in heavily, opened her eyes, and reclined her head so her skull touched the back of her neck. A strangled, frustrated whine squeaked from her throat. "I messed up. I so, so messed up. And now he doesn't even want to talk to me. He doesn't want anything to do with me all because I let your comments get to my head!I should never have listened to you guys! I should never have-"

"April, what are you talking about?"

"I couldn't get your words out of my head! And I let that affect how I treated him today. I was so cross with him. He probably hates me now." April wouldn't blame him. She hated herself now, too. She hated her insecurity, her fear, her gullible nature that prevented her from ignoring external influence. She hated what other people's words had done to her.

"He can't hate you that much."

"Oh, and you know that for a fact, huh?"

"Well, yeah." Lexie pointed out the window. "He just pulled into the driveway."

April turned around quickly, and her mouth dropped open in surprise. Robert had just pulled in, and was in the process of getting out of his car when April whipped back around to cover her face in her hands. With a groan, she rocked forward and then back again. _Shit, shit, shit! _There was no way to avoid this now.

"Is he walking up the driveway?"

"Making his way. Want me to let him in?"

"No." Her hands fell from her face. "Yes. No."

"April-"

The doorbell rang, and the two women turned to face each other. April bit her lip, took a deep breath, and decided, "Let him in. Yeah. Let him in."

Lexie smiled and stood. She opened the door, and when April dared to look up from her feet, Lexie and Robert both stood in the foyer. April smiled and raised her hand in a half-attmepted wave. "Hey, Robert."

"Hey."

Lexie stepped forward. "I'll, um, I"ll just go upstairs so you two can-"

"It's all right." April stood, flattened out her shirt, and nodded when Robert's head tilted slightly in questioning. "You can stay, Lexie. Robert and I can..." She laughed nervously and glanced at Robert. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Let me just grab my coat."

One step forward, and she hoped they wouldn't take two back.


	5. Never Wanted to be Just Your Friend

**A/N: **Thanks everyone for the kind reviews! I always appreciate the comments/feedback!

* * *

April wished Robert would say _something_ so she didn't have to fill the silence by contemplating life choices that had brought her here. In the end she blamed Jimmy Filmore for this. If only he hadn't pushed her a little too far and she would have given him a chance. But he pressed for too much, too soon, and she'd shied away. And because she'd shied away, because he pressed, she'd always worried other men - boys, she corrected - would do the same. Yes, that was right. It was his entire fault.

She sighed. That wasn't right, either. It wasn't Jimmy Filmore's fault. It was hers. Hers and hers alone.

As she glanced at Robert, who walked beside her, hands in his coat pockets, she realized his face wasn't tense in frustration. His soft features reflected a passive nature she'd seen only in surgical moments. He was calm, focused, and unafraid. He wasn't angry, though she knew Robert had every right to be. She was angry with herself.

Robert caught her staring and smiled. "April."

"Robert?"

"I, uh…" With a grimace, Robert scuffed the toe of his shoe into the cement sidewalk and shook his head. He didn't meet her gaze again, staring straight ahead into the looming darkened clouds. "I wanted to come by to…"

"To…?" Nerves clustered in her stomach, making it impossible for her to breathe. Had she messed this up as terribly as she thought? And why, even though his eyes reflected a gentle sincerity, did he refuse to meet her gaze? Was she that intolerable for him? April mentally chided herself. She tucked her chin to her chest and cursed herself in shame.

"April?"

"Yeah?" She didn't look up.

Robert stopped walking and smiled faintly when she abruptly did the same, only to meet his gaze with wide, worrisome eyes. He smiled again. "I think…" He brought his hands to her shoulders, and brushed against them lightly before he pulled away, as if he considered it an entirely inappropriate action. He grimaced and said, "I think that I know what today was all about."

"D-Do you?"

"I think so."

"It's not what you think." His brows furrowed together, and she scrambled to explain. "No, I mean, what you think isn't what you think. I'm sure what you're thinking is right, but the reality of what you're thinking isn't really what you think you're thinking." His furrowed brows knitted closer together, and his lips pursed. "Did that make sense?"

"Why don't you try that again?"

"What do _you_ think it is that was going on today?"

"I think you're having some second thoughts about..." He motioned at the space between the two of them. "…this. And, um, that's…that's all right, you know. If you're having second thoughts that's…You're allowed that."

"Really?"

Robert sighed and averted her gaze as he scratched his temple. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little."

Her heart swelled, and her mouth dropped slightly not in surprise but in the sweet realization that he had actually paid her a compliment of sorts – that he would have been hurt if she'd rejected him in any way. "W-would you believe me if I told you that you're one of the only men to say that to me?"

"No."

There it was again. She smiled so much that her cheeks started to hurt. This was what she had missed, what she longed to savor as nagging words bit at her ankles and irritated her until she finally kicked them away. These moments when Robert would look at her with sincerity and she'd know that what he said was the truth. These moments when, despite age and inexperience, April felt a rush of desire overwhelm her. An emotion she didn't quite have the confidence to act upon, but one she experienced all the same, and one that when Robert smiled at her, caused her knees to go weak.

"Can I tell you something, Robert?"

"Sure."

April fidgeted with the ends of her coat sleeves. She wished she hadn't worn a pea coat when it was about to storm and she didn't have pockets to shove her hands into. "I was a little distant with you today, and it partly had to do with the reason you suspected."

The smile on his face faded, and he looked away from her. Robert cursed beneath his breath, and his eyes screwed shut as his head shook. He cursed again and twisted away from her touch when she moved to grab his arm. April stood beside him, mouth agape as he repressed an outburst she knew wanted to bubble to the surface. April kicked herself as much as he did. She realized now, after Robert's reaction of obvious frustration, she probably shouldn't have told him that. He definitely refused to look at her now.

"Oh, oh, why did you tell me that?"

April wished he'd turn around and face her. His back to her, she couldn't assess or even console his reaction. His quiet, frustrated whine told her she'd done wrong. That wasn't the effect she'd intended, and she certainly hadn't wanted this to be awkward. Now it was. She'd never been good at damage control, either. It was bound to get worse, she was certain. Still, she pleaded, "Give me a chance to explain."

"There's nothing to explain. I get it."

"Robert." She reached for his elbow, prompting him to turn to face her. As soon as her fingers grazed his jacket, his entire body seemed to tense and then immediately relax, as if her touch brought him a sense of frustration and overwhelming comfort all at once. "Robert, please just let me explain. It really is not what you think."

"Oh-kay."

"At least give me a chance." He wouldn't like her explanation, but she'd offer it to him. She smiled when he finally turned to face her, and even though his eyes clouded with frustration and self-doubt, she met them with imploring warmth. "I do like you, Robert. I really," she chortled at the thought, "_really _enjoy spending time with you."

"But not romantically?"

The memory of his lips against her own entered her mind and sent a shiver down her spine. April shook her head. "No, I definitely enjoy that part, too."

"So then what?"

"I'm not very good at this whole dating thing," April quickly explained. "All the men I've dated have either…Well they've either moved too quickly or not moved at all. And I'm not saying at all that we're moving too fast or too slow – this pace is perfect – but…" April sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not used to people genuinely being attracted to me for me. So when it became obvious that you are, or at least that I _thought _it was obvious that you were, you know with our phone call, I guess I panicked. And I took that out on you. And that's not really fair."

"And that's not really the entire truth, is it?"

April didn't dare meet his eyes and played with the hem of her coat. "No."

"What is the entire truth, April?"

"It's complicated."

"April."

The softness of his tone prompted her to look up. When she did, his eyes softened in an attempt to understand, and gentle hands rose to rest on her shoulders. His touch sent a jolt of pleasure through her, shivers that tingled all the way down to her toes. Her breath caught, and if it wasn't for the green eyes that gazed at her, April would have closed them and sucked in a sharp breath. "Yes, Robert?"

"I get it."

Had he heard the comments of other residents? Was she supposed to ask him what he'd heard?

"It's okay."

"It's not." She'd let other people's nasty words corrupt her. There was nothing right about that. Nothing fair in the way she'd let herself be overcome by comments made by others who had no idea what emotions flooded her now. Those who did not know just how his gaze made her feel wanted had no right to comment. "It's…I _like _you, Robert."

"You don't have to put me down easy. I'm a big boy."

She kicked herself again when his hands fell from her shoulders. April longed again for the warm strength they offered. "It's not that, Robert."

"I don't really know what I was expecting from this, anyway. I mean…" His eyes scanned the length of her body. "You're…you."

His self-depreciation frustrated her. "You're not an unattractive man."

"It's okay."

"You aren't," she asserted, hoping he'd see that this had nothing to do with him. "Robert, this isn't really…My thoughts are not about you or your appearance in comparison to me or my appearance. That's not what this is."

"Then what is it?"

"Well, if you'd _just _give the chance to explain myself, I'd tell you." Her eyes instantly widened at her snappish response. If they were in the hospital, she would have expected instant reprimand. April half expected it now, but when his lips pursed in a half-formed smirk, she felt a sense of relief. Here he was not Dr. Stark. He wasn't her superior, but a man who found her resistance to authority under moments of frustration endearing. Her refusal to submit and accept defeat easily must have been a selling point because his smirk morphed into a smile and he crossed his arms across his chest.

She fumbled on her thoughts for a moment, but then managed, "I'd say I'm sorry but I don't think I'd quite mean it."

"Please. Enlighten me then."

"This is a complicated situation for me."

"Why?" When her eyes darkened, he conceded with a nod. "I'm sorry, I won't interrupt again."

"This is a delicate...thing…between us," April continued, thankful that she found words to accurately express how she felt, thankful that she didn't fumble or stutter or ramble in a way that would certainly send him running. "This _thing_ between us is already complicated enough by the fact that you're—"

"So much older?"

"I was actually going to say 'my boss,' but…" April shrugged. "That works, too."

He exhaled and uncrossed his arms, letting them fall to his sides. "Look, April—"

"I'm not done."

Robert's eyebrows rose. His lips twitched as if he would speak but then thought better of it, and instead he only contemplated her response.

"You are my boss. Well, one of them, anyway. And…" April's hands twisted together. "And that puts me in a very _delicate _situation. You're an attending; I'm a resident. That's going to raise some eyebrows."

"You're worried about what others will think?"

"They _are_ my colleagues, Robert. I do have to work with them every day. And…" She wasn't sure if she should admit this to him, but found herself adding anyway, "There have been some comments about the nature of our relationship."

His brows furrowed in frustration, and his jaw clenched. "I beg your pardon?"

"Not from anyone who matters."

"From whom?"

"Robert—"

"Who made comments to you?"

"No one—"

"Karev?"

"That's not important."

His eyes flashed with rage she'd never seen before. "Karev."

"Robert, just listen to me, _please_. What is important," and she could tell him this with all sincerity, "is that they've been made and obviously that's affected the way our working relationship functions." She hoped with everything in her that it wouldn't affect the personal nature of their relationship, but with the way his eyes burned, she worried it already had.

He drew a heavy breath, and some of the anger alleviated itself. "What have people said?"

"That this isn't the most appropriate relationship."

"Because of our working relationship?"

"That's one of the reasons, yes."

"And…And you let these sorts of comments influence the way you interact with me?"

"It wasn't intentional."

"April, you can't let what other people say change the way you live our life. That's no way to live."

"It's not that simple, Robert."

"It is."

"Not everything's so black and white."

"But it is."

"Except that it's not."

"April…" His hand balled into a fist and he shook it in frustration, his eyes scrunching shut as he tried to formulate the right response. When he opened them again, the mixture of apprehension and fire in April's eyes stopped his mind from formulating a single syllable. He took a step backward. "I'm not looking at this the right way, am I?"

"Are you…?"

"My career is already established," he said, "and yours…Yours is just getting started. The last thing you need is for…The last thing you need is for your reputation to be marred as the resident who sleeps her way to the top." He quickly added, "And that's not what this is. That isn't what this is, right?"

"God no." She had yet to entertain the thought. Now that he presented it, she couldn't just push it to the back-burner so easily.

He sighed in relief. "April, I _never_ intended for people to make comments, you have to know that."

"I do."

"If I knew—"

"I know, Robert."

He sighed again, but this time his entire body tensed afterwards and his face was no longer calm. "So what happens next? What do you want to do?"

"What do you want, Robert?"

"I don't want to not spend time with you. But…The last thing I want is to make work intolerable for you."

"It's not intolerable. It's not that bad, Robert, really." She felt a rush of panic at the thought that he'd sever all personal ties, that she wouldn't get to know more about the man who managed to stun her with his kindness when she'd been so accustomed to his gruff, unforgiving nature.

"It's bad enough for other people's words to change the way you and I interact in a professional manner and that…" Robert shook his head and gritted his teeth. "That _really _frustrates me."

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

She certainly felt like she was doing everything wrong right now. After all she'd been the one unable to expel words from her head. And now words had done considerable, if not permanent, damage to their budding romance. Maybe it would have been better if she'd said nothing and forced the nervous uncertainty down deep until she forgot about it.

"I don't want our work relationship to suffer."

"It's not."

"It already has."

April fidgeted, nervously pulling at the cuffs of her coat. Avoiding his frustrated eyes, she stared down at her feet. If she could turn back time and change things, she would. "So what's next?"

"I don't know."

"I don't either." She'd never been in a relationship with a colleague, let alone her superior. Hell, she realized with a roll of her eyes, she'd never been in a relationship she'd enjoyed this much. "Robert—"

"Maybe this was a bad idea."

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped. "No."

"No, maybe it was. Maybe we got too over our heads. Work needs to come first. I…I should have understood that." He grimaced and rubbed his forehead with his palm. "God, I should have understood that."

"No, Robert, that's not what…" This hadn't gone at all how she'd expected or intended. Beneath her breath she cursed, and when his head cocked upward at her, she shook her head. "Damn it, no! No, this wasn't…No. No!"

"April, it's okay."

"No!" She groaned. "No, this isn't okay! This isn't…This was _not_ how it was supposed to happen. We were supposed to go for a walk and I was supposed to explain without really explaining and we were going to talk it out and then it was all going to be okay because we would have worked it out. But then I opened my big mouth – like I always do – and then it all shot to hell and that was _not _how it was supposed to go down. That wasn't—"

He put his hands on his shoulders and the contact nearly knocked her off her feet. Overcome with a rush of adrenaline from her rambling, April met his gaze. "I don't want to stop seeing you, Robert. Personally or professionally."

There. She'd said it. There was no taking it back now. No more convincing herself that it wasn't the truth because it was, and now that she'd said it, April hoped Robert would know without a doubt that she meant it.

His lips twitched in a half formed smile. "Me either."

"So what do we do?" He had to have at least one trick up his sleeve.

"I don't know. I've never dated a colleague who isn't a fellow attending. My wife wasn't a doctor, and the couple women I have dated who were colleagues…I wasn't their boss. So I don't really know."

"I don't either." But she hoped they would find an appropriate balance between work and play. As his hands slid up her shoulders and neck to cup her cheeks, her eyes shut and she prayed they would figure it out in a way that didn't involve ending things.

Her eyes didn't flutter open even as she felt him step closer to her. April thought Robert would kiss her, but he didn't. Her eyes opened in time to see him pull away, and April wished she'd taken the initiative. "Is that it then? Is this the end of things?"

He caressed her cheek with the pad of thumb. "I hope not. There's only one way to figure this out."

"How's that?"

"We try to make this work, professionally and personally." Robert shrugged. "I'd like to try. I like this. Whatever this is, I like this."

"Me, too."

"Then let's try. See what happens. Is that okay with you? Do you want that?"

"Very much." April's breath caught when Robert leaned closer to her, and his lips met hers in a soft, promising kiss. Tender kisses grew earnest as Robert bridged the physical distance between them.

Yes, April realized as she wrapped her arms around him, she _definitely_ wanted this.


End file.
